Marauders will be Marauders will be
by dwells-in-the-night
Summary: James has hit his head on the edge of a table, but what happens afterwards, no one's prepared for. And in other news today GORP is missing, and no one's quite sure where to...


**Marauders will be Marauders will be Marauders will be…**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter because if I did it would be the Marauders!

**AN:** A nundu is, according to Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them by Newton ("Newt") Artimus Fido Scamander, an "…East African beast that is arguably the most dangerous in the world. A gigantic leopard that moves silently despite its size and whose breath causes disease virulent enough to eliminate entire villages, it has never yet been subdued by fewer than a hundred skilled wizards working together." The ministry of magic has classified it as "XXXXX" meaning it is a "known wizard killer/ impossible to train or domesticate".  
And also, just FYI, GORP stands for Good Old-fashioned Raisons and Peanuts. It generally has M&Ms or the like in it as well.

**Marauders will be Marauders will be Marauders will be…**

"Please, Remus, please give me some ink!"

"No, it's in my bag and I'm going to be late for Arithmancy!"

"Please! Please! Remus if I don't have ink I'll be doomed! Doomed! Doomed I tell you, doomed! Doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! -"

And during all this, "Shut up, or I'll sick Sirius on you!"

"I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doomed! I'm doom- what!? You wouldn't sick Sirius on me, would you, Remus?"

"Bye, James," Remus said as he turned and went on his way to Arithmancy, away from Care for Magical Creatures, where James was going. James stood awestruck for a while, that was, of course, until he realized he really _was_ going to be late for his Care for Magical Creatures, and ran the rest of the way to his class.

When he got there, Sirius stood next to him, opened his mouth as if to speak, but was 'rudely' interrupted by the start of class.

"Today we are going to learn about botruckles. I want you to start an atomically _correct_ sketch during class. It will be due next week along with a two-scroll report on their habits, diet, and…" said Miss S, in her lively voice. Of course, her name wasn't _really_ "Miss S", but her real name was really long and complicated. And besides that Sirius thought 'S' sounded like 'ass'. Not that they actually sounded anything alike, but…

"Don't _ever_ do that again," Sirius told James firmly.

"Do what?" asked James in return, completely oblivious as to what Sirius was referring to.

"Run to class, moron! You look like a deer on two legs. Ha! Ha ha ha!" Sirius returned like it was the most obvious thing it the world. He then proceeded to laugh like a maniac, thinking his joke was the funniest in the world. That was, of course, until he realized he was the only one laughing, and the rest of the class was staring at him as if he had forgotten to take his medication this morning, which indeed he _had_ 'forgotten' to take.

"What? Don't you get it? I said he looked like a deer on two legs! Get it? Deer? His anima- I mean- uh- favorite animal is a deer! Get it? Get it? Isn't it funny, Peter? Peter? Well? What? What _are_ you staring at? What is wrong with you people? Stop staring at me! I do _not_ want to be taken to your leader! No! Get off of me! No! Stop! Don't do that! What do you think you're doing with tha-"

"Just stop talking Sirius," said James awestruck by the fact that, not only had he almost given away the fact the fact that he was an animagus, but that he was _still talking_! Sirius was _so stupid_ sometimes!

Sirius stopped talking, and class proceeded, as it should have for the rest of its duration until lunch, because James was _this close_ to killing him.

As they walked back up to the castle Peter obediently told them what their homework was. When they were half way to the castle James asked Sirius, "If Remus told you to sick me, would you?"

"Why would Remus tell me to sick you?" Peter asked, thoroughly confused.

"Not you, moron!" James snapped at him.

" I do _anything_ Moony tells me to, James," Sirius said, with the obvious connotation. James didn't like where this was going. Neither did Remus, who had just joined them.

"What? I am _not_ gay! I don't know about you, but I am _not_ gay!" Remus exclaimed, hiding behind James.

"Denial is the first step, Moony," Sirius said accusingly.

"I would stick up for you, mate, but you walked right into that one," James apologized.

"Sirius, sick him!"

Sirius immediately proceeded to chase James the rest of the way to the Gryffindor common room where James entered, wheezing "Felix Felicus!", and ran strait into a couch, flipped over the back of it, and smacked the back of his head on the corner of a table. He hit the ground limp and dazed. Of course, Sirius entered right as James hit the couch.

"Ha, ha! Bad luck, Prongs! I come in for the deathblow! Prongs? Prongs? Prongs!" Sirius, realizing his friend was hurt, proceeded to jump over the couch and landed right on James' chest, and proceeded to smack him across the face, all the while screaming "Prongs!", with James' hands held in place by his ankles.

"Sirius! Don't do that, you idiot! You're going to kill him!" exclaimed Remus, pullin him off James. "are you okay James? James? James!" Remus continued calling his name until he eventually responded.

"What? What? Oh, yes. I'm fine, Remus, fine. Okay. Peachy. You can stop screaming now Moony. Stop screaming!" James responded, smacking Remus across the face. Remus stopped screaming. "Okay lets go to lunch. After we put our stuff down, of course!" James stood up and immediately fell down, with his butt on the couch.

"James, maybe we should go to the hospital wing. James?"

"Wha…? No I'm okay… I just need to sit down for a few minutes…"

**- FIVE MINUTES LATER -**

"Prongs, you're drooling," Peter observed.

"Let's go now." James disregarded the comment, but wiped his chin, nonetheless.

Sirius had already put their bags in their dorm, so everyone was currently staring at James. Everyone, of course, referring to the other three Marauders.

"Maybe you should got to the hospital wing," Remus repeated looking at him worriedly.

"I agree with moony," Sirius said, eccentrically.

"I also agr-" Peter started.

"We know, wormtail, we know," James said, slightly annoyed.

"Hey! I was going to say that!" Sirius announced.

"Let's go to lunch. I'm starving. Padfoot, you have dribble on your chin."

"No I-." Sirius wiped the dribble off his chin.

Sirius got up and walked over to the portrait hole, followed closely by the rest of the Marauders.

"Hey, James," Sirius called.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna tell you a joke!"

"Then tell it to me already!"

"I did your mom."

"What!?" James backed away slowly.

"A favor."

James raised his eyebrows, but visibly relaxed.

"By making you."

"WHAT?!" James hid behind Remus.

"A sandwich."

James didn't fall for it this time. He quivered behind Remus, using him as a human shield. "James, this is just awkward," Remus said, annoyed.

"And I got a reward."

"Sirius, this is a stupid joke." Remus was not amused, and was trying, unsuccessfully, to pry James' hands off his shoulders.

"Of five silver sickles."

"I don't get it," Peter announced stupidly.

"Off the next time I get a slice of your mom!"

"James, get off of me! Really! He's joking! It's not true!" Remus reasoned, as he was currently in pain, and when I say pain, I mean _pain_.

"Oooo! Oooo! Sirius, wanna here a joke?" Peter said eagerly.

"Sure, Peter, shoot away."

"There are three death eaters on a hippogriff. One dropped off an apple; one dropped of a banana; and the other cast the avada kedavra curse. They landed the hippogriff and walked into town. They ran into a muggle boy who was crying. They asked him why he was crying and he said, 'an apple fell on my head!' They cast avada kedavra on him and moved on. Then they ran into a muggle girl who was crying, asked her why she was crying, and got the answer, 'I slipped on a banana peel!' They avada kedavraed her as well, continued on, and ran into a boy who was laughing hysterically. They asked him what was so funny, and he said, 'I farted and it killed my cat!' The death eaters exchanged glances, and avada kedavraed him too," Peter said with a strait face, and waited far a response.

"Oh my god, Peter! That isn't funny, that's cruel and unusual!" Remus exclaimed horror-struck and still in pain from James' hands. Peter's triumphant face fell.

"But, your reaction was priceless, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, laughing hysterically. Peter felt better about his joke, but didn't understand Sirius' comment.

"Oh, oh, I got one!" James said, finally releasing Remus, with a laugh.

"Oooo! Oooo! What is it?" Sirius eagerly awaited James' joke.

"What do you do when you're ridding a thestral, there's a unicorn on your left, a abraxan in front of you, a cliff to your right, and your being chased by a nundu?"

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Get your drunken arse off the carousel!" James answered. Both he and Remus erupted into fits of laughter. Peter and Sirius didn't get it. Partly because it really wasn't all that funny and partly because they didn't know what a carousel was.

"What is a carousel?" Sirius asked, as they stopped laughing. James and Remus erupted into laughter again, after exchanging glances. "What? What? Is it some kind of stupid muggle thing?" James and Remus laughed harder at that.

After they stopped laughing and started walking again, Sirius announced again "I still don't get it."

"You see," Remus said, "it was an insult because you've thought things like that when you were drunk after having too much firewhiskey."

"But, I still don't get what a carousel is!" Sirius whined.

"It is one of those muggle things with hoses on it that spins around."

"Oh! You mean like a merry-go-round?"

James and Remus looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Remus noticed how odd it was for James to tell a joke that he thought was amusing.

As they rounded the last corner on their way to the great hall, James ran smack into Lily. Literally.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, Potter!" Lily said from the ground, picking up the contents of her bag. James bent down to help her, but- "I don't need help from any of you Marauders!" she said harshly to James, but then nicely to Remus, who was also helping, "except for Remus, because he isn't really a Marauder."

Remus turned rather pink, handed her what he had picked up, stood up, and started walking towards the great hall.

"Fine! Be that way! See if I care!" James shouted, throwing her stuff down and followin Remus. Peter and Sirius exchanged glances, looked at the enraged Lily, and ran to catch up with James and Remus, screaming "Wait up guys!" which did no good whatsoever.

By the time they caught up with them in the great hall it had become obvious that James was not talking to Remus, and the air between two of them was heavy with tension.

To 'lighten the mood', when Sirius and Peter got to the table and were sitting down in their normal spots (Peter next to Remus, who was across from Sirius, who was across from Peter, and so on, and so forth) Sirius said, "Hey, where's the GORP?"

"You never eat it, you just pick out the M&Ms," Remus observed.

"But it's always right here!" Sirius indicated to a spot on the table.

"We have Hershey's Kisses instead," James informed him.

"But where's the GORP?" Sirius repeated. Remus rolled his eyes and went back to his Arithmancy homework.

"Maybe he went on vacation and Hershey's Kisses are filling in," James hypothesized.

"Where'd he go on vacation to?" Sirius asked dumbly.

"I don't know, the Bahamas," James told him.

"No, no, I think he went to the Bermudas." Dead silence.

"The Bermudas?" James voiced what the other Marauders were thinking.

"Yeah, you know, the Bermuda Triangle?"

"Oh! That makes sense! But what if Hershey actually killed him and is taking his place?" James continued, sounding very unnaturally like Sirius. Remus was getting very worried, and when I say very worried I mean _very, very freakin' worried_.

"I don't know! We'll find out though, won't we? I mean if he's on vacation he'll come back in a few days, if he's dead he won't come back at all."

"Or we could ask the house elves in the kitchens," Peter added.

"Okay, let's go!" James said, standing up, leaving his half-eaten plate of food behind.

At least in theory, because, as soon as he stood up, he passed out and hit the ground. Hard. And when I say hard I mean _hard._ Hard enough to make Sirius think he was dead.

"Oh no! Prongs! Prongs! Why did you have to go! You were so young to die! Who will go with me to find out if GORP is dead or-?"

"He's just unconscious, Sirius," Remus said. "And pick him up, will you?"

"Why?" Sirius said, currently lost in thought and concern, and since both of which wer_e completely_ unexplored territories it was going to take a while to get unlost. And when I say a while, I mean a really sodding long while.

"We're taking him to the hospital wing," Remus said shortly.


End file.
